Today’s lessons learned from Jay Morrison are taken from episode 3 of his “Jay Walk” YouTube series. In this episode he talks about the principle he calls “Charm and Disarm”.
(See episode 3 here)
The entire premise is based on making life easier for yourself by “putting your best foot forward”.
Send positive signals with your appearance
They say “first impressions last” and “you only get one chance to make a first impression”. Grant Cardone likes to say that strangers have everything that you want in life.
When you first meet someone you want to make the best impression possible. Whether you like it or not people make judgments about you based on how you look. This has always been true and it always will be.
Most of these judgements are made within seconds without the person even realizing it. You definitely want to pay attention to your appearance.
There have been plenty of scientific studies done on the power of clothing and grooming. Your clothes and the condition they’re in send powerful signals.
It’s about influence
Decisions are mostly emotional and not rational. That’s why your appearance matters. You’re sending subtle signals to the other person’s subconscious. Making a positive impression will sway their decision-making in your favor.
If you are a person with a future, don’t dress like a person without one. Dress like you are going somewhere in life. And if everyone around you decides upon casual dress, this is all the better for you. -Brian Tracy
Based on your appearance people can make assumptions about your background, intelligence, income and abilities. Rich or homeless. Smart or dumb. Criminal or upstanding citizen.
You want your clothes to say that you’re highly effective, trustworthy and should be respected but not feared.
Get past their stereotypes, fears and defenses
You definitely don’t want people to be afraid of you by your appearance. If you’re a stranger then people automatically will be guarded when they meet you for the first time. Most adults have a healthy level of skepticism when they meet strangers.
The key to lowering their defenses is by carrying yourself a certain way through the way you dress and your mannerisms.
You want to come across as friendly, well-mannered and approachable (charm).
This way they’ll let their guard down and open up to you (disarm).
Charming people with a good appearance, speaking well and having manners will get you in the door into rooms you wouldn’t otherwise have access to.
(Charles talks about this in this post).
A major key that opens doors
One important soft skill that hardly gets talked about is “likability”. This is crucial. I know it’s something that has worked for me time and time again.
You’ve heard the saying “people do business with people they like”. This is absolutely true in business, getting a job, promoted at work etc. It isn’t always about having the best quality, best prices or most impressive resume.
There are thousands of small businesses in the United States that make good money selling the same products at similar prices. Why do people buy from these little companies that most have never heard of?
It’s because they like the business owner, their personality and their story moreso than the actual product they can find somewhere else if they really tried.
Likability is huge. If you doubt me think about who you would rather spend time with, a jerk or someone you like? Don’t forget that most of us spend the majority of our time at work.
Being likable has given me the chance to prove myself when I was lacking in experience. Likability will buy you grace that wouldn’t be given to others.
This is all about giving you an edge. I’m not saying that nice clothes and speaking well by themselves will get you six figure jobs and million dollar deals.
You still need to be good at what you do.
You still need to execute.
You still need skills to pay the bills.
Charm and Disarm is about getting the chance to show your capabilities with less resistance from others.
Putting it all together
Be sure to pay attention to your appearance, speak well and have manners. You’ll catch more bees with honey than you will with vinegar.
Remember, this isn’t about manipulating others, this is about giving yourself advantages and all you need in life is an unfair advantage.
Be sure to comment below how you’ve seen these principles pay off in real life.