Independence is struggle

This morning on twitter a tweet floated down my timeline where a guy was comparing his struggle at 30 to kids in their twenties living off their parents.  This is a conversation that I have had with my parents for a while.  Most of us are pushed toward independence only to have lives that look like this dude at 30.  It was amazing how many people tagged his post saying that it was real or authentic, because they lived the same life.


It is my stance that independence is struggle.  This isn’t just independence from your parents but also independence from your significant other or independence from your brothers and sisters.  I don’t know why STRUGGLE is such a glamorized idea in the African American community.

There is nothing noble about independence ESPECIALLY as an African American in America. Real talk, taking race out of it, independence is dumb for any group in America, that is why nobody else promotes it, but us, the people in last place.  When immigrants go in business, everyone goes into that business. When immigrants buy a home, everyone buys that home.  When immigrants invest in rental property its a group effort, because there is power in numbers. Asian kids stay at home until they can buy a home.  Hispanics bunk together and put multiple families in the home.  That is much more noble than begging.  I would rather be laughed at in my hustle than laughed at in my struggle. You are going to get laughed at either way.

Marriage, to me, is a huge game changer.  People don’t realize how much of a struggle life is solo until they get married. When you get married you have two incomes, shared expenses and now you have TWO sets of parents.  Married women don’t have to be strong, because they have a husband who handles the strength for them.  It is actually my opinion that strong independence is really just the strength to endure poverty.  People dress up struggle and make it look good, just like soul food, but it is still struggle.  Being a single woman, especially one with kids, is struggle.  Marriage bridges that gap.

Men and women need each other for much more than sex and money.  Being with a man or woman, especially when kids are involved, is about so much more than sex and money.  When I talked about strength I didn’t just say that in regards to money but in regards to raising kids, maintaining a home, managing responsibilities, etc.  Single life is just silly.  I want to encourage you to give up this selfish line of thinking, get beside yourself and your ego, stop listening to your misguided friends, and make it work because the struggle of marriage beats the struggle of single.  Just like the struggle of cohabitation with friends and family to own beats the struggle of bad credit and high expenses when you leave home too soon. FYI there is no age on too soon.  You need to leave when you can afford to own not when you can afford to rent.

Someone told me that my blogs sound angry. Well, if you are happy when you lose, you are a loser.  I am angry.  I am tired of us losing and then justifying the actions that keep us losing. I am tired of “that’s just the way we have always done things” or learning on strategies that are comfortable but that produce failure.  There is so much more I could talk about here and I likely will when I drop my next book Black Wealth Now.  All of these concepts work toward the building of wealth and financial security.  Family and finances are very heavily intertwined and I want to discuss them all in the same book.  Expect that book around February.  If you are interested in working with our TEAM and our GROUP in the investment club, as always, you can email

Be great, invest well,

Todd Milli



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