Last night people were disappointed, yet again, because their beloved Beyonce failed to win two awards and was limited to the urban category. This post will discuss why it is a waste of time to seek validation and then it will discuss why even when you get that validation or assistance (aka an ally) it is a waste.
First, I don’t understand why people put all their faith into Beyonce’s accomplishments. Her success doesn’t make you successful. Her money and awards aren’t your awards. I get that it feels good to have someone who looks like you winning at life but there are millions out there who aren’t winning. One thing I truly admire about the Jews is they take it all upon themselves to grow into the savior (the Beyonce, if you will) of their culture. Every Jew feels obligated to become their best self and thus they have winners at all levels.
For us, we have been fed the idea of a savior. I believe that this was taught via religion but it has expanded into all areas of advancement. For some reason we are looking for that ONE exceptional being to save us. Previously this was Martin Luther King, Jr and Malcolm X but recently it has become Barack Obama, Jay Z and Beyonce. We would rather have one person winning so we can point and say “look” than get out there ourselves and win. This stunts our culture because it dulls the masses into people who waste their lives waiting instead of creating greatness and excellence for themselves and their community. That is what frustrates me about the Beyonce standom. It is the lack of group progress that comes with sitting and admiring the savior. The group ends up lagging behind and we cant have that.
Second, I don’t understand why people continue to seek validation from someone (read Caucasian people) who isn’t qualified to validate you. I say that they aren’t qualified because they don’t know your life/story and they therefore cant accurately dissect the lyrics, the message and the theme in your content. They can only validate it through their lens which is probably why we win so many Oscars for slave movies. Its time that you validate yourself and invalidate anyone other than yourself who thinks they have the power to give you the nod.
Another issue with seeking white acceptance (aka asking for their awards), is they have no vested interest in seeing you be great. This is because your greatness dims their light. One of my favorite quotes comes from the 50 Cent and Robert Green book 50th Law. 50 says that “people will constantly attack you in life. One of their main weapons will be to instill in you doubts about yourself – your worth, your abilities, your potential. They will often disguise this as their objective opinion, but invariably it has a political purpose – they want to keep you down.” This quote resonated with me because people will position their internal biases as objective opinions aimed at keeping you down. This makes their awards and accolades not worth the paper or metal they are printed on because it is all biased bull. I have said it for years but the Grammy and Oscars protests are really just more glorified victim-hood and slavery. I would rather people pull out of their awards all together and actively invest in your own. That is what a winning culture would do. A winning culture wouldn’t force their way into the back door.
“If you can control a man’s thinking you do not have to worry about his action. When you determine what a man shall think you do not have to concern yourself about what he will do. If you make a man feel that he is inferior, you do not have to compel him to accept an inferior status, for he will seek it himself. If you make a man think that he is justly an outcast, you do not have to order him to the back door. He will go without being told; and if there is no back door, his very nature will demand one.” Carter G Woodson
That being said, this post is about allies, and I said all that to say that you don’t have any. Almost every group of people black folks have attempted to latch onto during this most recent faux civil rights movement puts their culture first (as they should) and if they have the time to do so they will throw you some emotional scraps. This is a problem because you are reaching out to them despite your own while they take care of their own first. An example of this is Adele accepting the award, taking the award and then symbolically giving it to Beyonce. Your kids cant eat your moral victories bruh. She got the award and you got a pat on the back. This is bigger than an award though. We are spending too much time appealing to their systems, throwing our effort and energy and creativity into their systems only for them to get all the rewards and you get the pat on the back. This is seen in athletes who endorse brands they don’t own. Athletes who give their best years to a team they don’t own while the owner gets wealthy and black professionals who force their way into white corporate america while black businesses struggle with lack of talent.
Your allies come from wealth, have safe communities and stable income yet they cry and complain for you. The problem is that crying and complaining isn’t how they got their wealth and “privilege”. Their grandfather or father built it, he didn’t protest for it. Maybe your “allies” don’t understand this, because they rode in on it, but if that is the case they REALLY shouldn’t be who you want to link up with. Winners (or those who want to win) link up with winners not losers who rode in on the shoulders of winners. There was a famous video of this white feminist woman at Starbucks making a young African American barista the poster child for oppression and using herself as the example of privilege. It was both condescending and demeaning. If you are truly an “ally” you would cut a check. Until then, it has to be self first.
I don’t believe in allies because they are going through the motions. In order for someone to be a true ally there must be a quid pro quo where they get something for what they give up. What are you offering your allies? Because that is often what you will get back. I don’t think that BLM has anything to offer and as a result its not even a true relationship. It is us attempting to piggy back off them. How has that been working so far? If it has been working then great, carry on. But if it was working I wouldn’t be writing this post now would I? Its time to reacess. If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always gotten. Change your actions and change your life.
I also don’t believe in allies because I think all of that stuff should come into play AFTER you have done all that you can to stand on your own two. The fact of the matter is that there is no oppression. There is laziness, but there is no oppression. Too many people are sitting at home talking about what someone is keeping them back from while there are people who look just like them out there winning. The difference is the mentality. But, you can’t have it both ways, you are either oppressed or successful. I see so many of my friends with expensive shoes and bags, new luxury cars, luxury hotel check ins and jet living, yet the are so convinced that we are oppressed. How sway? If that is oppression then give me some! The truth is that you have the ability to win. The question is are you willing to grind for it?
The moral of this post is that you have to get it yourself. There are no allies and there are no true friends. These people protest for you and cry for you and then go back living their lives. They are not hiring you. They will hire refugees before they hire you. They are not donating money to your cause, they are not investing in your ventures. They want to keep you down while they get the glory of being charitable. You don’t need their charity. You need your own charity. Be great, because you are.